We Planned This Trip During Chemo

Trips. Birthdays. Weddings. Dinners with friends.

When cancer - or any crisis - enters your world, making plans starts to feel like writing in pencil: hopeful but never guaranteed. This year, I learned again how powerful hopeful plans can be, even when life is wildly unpredictable.

The Trip We Couldn’t Take

In August 2024, we were supposed to head to Montauk for my annual birthday surf trip. Surfing late-summer waves is my ritual - a deep breath for my soul.

But on July 25, my husband was diagnosed with leukemia.

Instead of ocean waves, we spent my birthday walking hospital corridors. Instead of saltwater and sand, we were submerged in fear and fluorescent lights.

Our friends still went. We wanted them to - they deserved the joy, and the house was paid for - but the sting of missing it stayed with me still.

That canceled trip became a symbol of everything cancer takes - a reminder of how fragile plans can be. And it wasn’t the first time we’d learned that lesson…

The First Time We Learned to Plan in Pencil 

In 2016, we were just weeks away from our dream wedding in Italy when my husband was diagnosed with lymphoma.

I can still picture us that night - sitting on the floor of our Brooklyn apartment, Tijn’s parents on the couch above us - drafting an email to our wedding guests together:

“With heavy hearts, we have to reschedule our wedding. Tijn needs to begin treatment immediately, and traveling poses a high risk to his health… It will be a tough few months, but we will come out of it stronger.”

Pressing send felt like a quiet acceptance of our new reality. That was on a Wednesday. He started chemo that Friday.

A year later, in September 2017, we finally celebrated our wedding - bigger, brighter, and more joyful than we ever imagined. I still remember walking down the aisle, hugging my husband in quiet, and sobbing as the tension finally left my body. On our honeymoon, I climbed a mountain and screamed into the sky, just to let it all out.

Fast forward to this past year, and we were back in a storm. Quietly, bravely, we circled dates on the calendar for a family trip - our lifeline of hope.

The Trip We Finally Took

When we finally arrived on our family getaway this summer, I exhaled like I hadn’t in months. I watched my kids run barefoot across the warm sand. The sun kissed my face, and for the first time in a long while, I felt my shoulders loosen.

One afternoon, my husband teased me about filming a video of myself eating the juiciest peaches I’d ever had on the trip - how dramatic I looked savoring every bite. We laughed together, genuinely and fully, and in that moment I realized it was the first time we’d truly laughed like that in a long time.

Cancer had made everything so serious, twice. It had colored our days with worry, tension, and survival mode. But here, with that silly peach video, joy was fragile and bright, breaking through the heaviness.

Still, beneath the smiles, I felt the tension linger. Even in moments of pure happiness, my foundation felt shaky. I caught myself holding my breath, bracing for the next wave of uncertainty. But I’m reminding myself - that’s okay.

Sometimes, the trip isn’t closure; it’s just the first deep breath. Joy doesn’t erase the weight of the past year; it lives in your body until you find ways to release it. Through movement, through tears, through time.

Lessons in Planning in Pencil

Here’s what this journey has taught me:

• Plans are hopes, not guarantees. And hope is its own kind of medicine.

• The act of planning is powerful. Even if life interrupts, giving yourself something to look forward to matters.

• Joy feels bigger when it’s hard-earned. Making space for both joy and disappointment is the key.

• Healing takes time. Sometimes, you’re still carrying the weight when the happy moment comes - and that’s part of the process.

• And maybe the biggest lesson: I’ve gotten used to things changing, but that doesn’t make it easy. Accepting uncertainty is different from loving it. Acceptance takes practice. 

Joy Is Still Possible

Planning, even in pencil, is an act of hope. It’s how we remind ourselves that joy is still possible, even in hard seasons.

If life feels heavy, give yourself something to look forward to, even if it’s small. A sunset walk. A dinner with friends. A quiet night without your phone.

Because when the day finally comes, and you take that deep breath, you’ll know it was worth writing in pencil.

Our Family Travel Favorites

If you’re planning your own family getaway - whether for healing or just for fun - here’s our full list of favorite stays, eats, and kid-friendly spots from this summer:

🇳🇱 Netherlands

• Stayed: With family in the south - comforting and flexible with little kids. Unfortunately, our family is not accepting additional guests (wink). 
  

• Do: Efteling Theme Park - magical for all ages (tip: use the app for virtual lines, eat the fresh stroopwafels!)
  

🇪🇸 Spain (Xàbia / Jávea)

• Stay: Private villa from Boutique Homes - dreamy, modern, and perfectly located between beaches. 
  

• Beaches:
  

• Arenal – soft sand, shallow water, kid heaven
  

• Cala la Granadella – stunning and serene; arrive by 8am for parking and grab breakfast at the tiny beach café
  

• Eat: Posidonia Restaurant - our best meal of the trip (get the scallops!)
  

🇫🇷 Paris

• Stay: Hotel Duminy-Vendôme - central, quiet, and family-friendly
  

• Eat: Aux Vieux Comptoir - cozy, soulful French food (book ahead!)
  

• Sweet Treat: Apricot-pistachio tart from Boulangerie-Pâtisserie Laurent Dheilly
  

• Do: Walk up the Eiffel Tower to the 2nd Floor - manageable with a 4- and 6-year-old (be ready for a piggyback or two!)